The not so smart shopper
The not so smart shopper
Shopping
used to be a breeze, just go to shops buy what you please.
Now it’s
loyalty cards, online apps, web purchasing, DIY scanning, being smart
It’s no
longer shopping, it’s a retail experience , it’s more like an art
Must try to
be smart and keep up though, so let’s give scan and bag a go!
Listen, there’s
a ping ping here, a ping ping there, here a ping, there a ping, everywhere a
ping-ping
First scan bee-food
card says “welcome back guest”
how very polite! – I am impressed
Into fruit
and veg department (sorry, fresh produce)
I need a
carrot, ah here’s one loose
Let’s find
some scales – there’s some in the distance
Oh, says
“Printer Fault – Please ask a member of staff for assistance”
Just one set
working!, surrounded by frugivores, hurry, must get on!
Oh no,
touched the wrong picture; it’s a carrot not an onion!
I’ve scanned
it now, oh this is fraud, how fraught!
Don’t want
to appear again in Snaresbrook Crown Court!
Wait,
there’s “remove item” on the scanner, let’s
give that a go
Hey, I have un-beeped the onion! Success, but better take it slow
Wow, I see
this carrot costs seven pence
With such
high finance, no wonder I’m so tense.
Let’s try
menswear next, I could do with more pyjamas
I cannot
find any, oh dear more dramas!
Just
loungewear and sleepwear, what the heck’s the difference?
Best move
on, I’m just showing my ignorance!
Guess
pyjamas have gone same way as handkerchiefs, vaseline hair tonic,and pan-yan
pickle
No doubt we ancient guys now, our tastes would seem too
fickle
Move on
this chinese chicken with rice, says I need to seek assistance from colleague
at checkout!
What the
heck’s all that about?
(Suppose I’d surreptitiously sneaked
in a sex toy from the store
Guess the scanner would have had me escorted
through the door.)
Oh no, I’ve
done my beep, and got the dreaded waiting signal
wow, now I’ve got an “unknown error” message, it’s like being at work
Connection terminated!
Try again,
now says no wifi connection.
In another aisle I get it back. Now a traffic jam …
Get out the
way you stupid woman, move your ??**??!! trolley
If I had it with me, I’d poke you with my brolly!
And so it
goes on …..
Over at
last, Now to smart checkout, scan QR code
Oh, I’ve got
a flashing yellow light! Ah that’s the
beer that I’ve got stowed
Here she
comes, nice lady (sorry, “store colleague”) to do age check
Over 18,
easily passed that test, no problem not
high tech
Got coupon
to scan, wiggle it about, recognised at last
Oh no, put coupon
through wrong slot, aghast
Think I’ve
been a silly old geezer
Going
to need a pair of tweezers.
Put in
“Receipt” slot rather than “Insert vouchers here” I really am a doofus!
Nice lady
sorts me out again, sometimes I am quite clueless.
Escape at
last, not sure whether I’m smart dumb or
thick?
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