The Tale of the new fridge/freezer

 

The tale of the new fridge/freezer
(a short September saga)

Dedicated to this wonderful new age of modern communication and internet shopping

By Richard Ashen                                             November 2017

 Listen to recording

I am fed up!

The maintenance demand for old fridge/freezer plopped down on the mat
That’ll be a lot towards a new one, so that’s enough of that!

It’s stupid keeping on paying this, for ancient piece of kit
I’ve had enough, I’m idiot, doesn’t need much wit

that’s it – it needs to be replaced! It really must be done
It’s easy now, of course, just go online, this will be fun!

And here’s a little advert I feel bounden here to say
with Give as you Live, can earn the library money along the way

Can just find one, with limited height, to fit my restricted space-
from national electrical retailer, things are coming on apace

a couple of trips to view in store it looks OK to me
back home I’ll get it sorted, organisation is the key

Order Monday, delivery Thursday, and collect old one as well,
what happens next I’m very happy here  to you to tell

Best part, to empty old one, must eat lollies and ice cream
chocolate coated ice cream lollies really are a dream!

Need to clean the house a bit, this really is a shameful pit
The vacuum cleaner looks confused to be so soon again now used

off Wednesday evening for last time – these are the final tasks
food in cool bag in cardboard box, and milk in thermos flasks.

But, need to pack the box with bubble
If food ferments, I’m in real trouble!

Move old fridge/freezer into hall, we’re ready now to go
It’s only for a day, I’m feeling quite gung-ho!

Up early for 7AM, then get a text – to tell me what will happen next
“Delivery Time Reminder” Coming between 12 and 4,
so can relax for now, but waiting is a chore
however ….
12 comes and goes, and indeed 4,
had to miss big coffee morning, this is a bore!

before I know it, it is 8pm, the light has gone
It’s silly, they won’t come now, I haven’t won!

Lets call them

After several layers of pressing numbers and keying in delivery code,
in six minute queue, with music playing, not enjoying this a load!
You don’t need to keep telling me that you know that I am waiting.
I know that you know that, and I’m hating all this waiting!
Then speak to Lee, who is pleasant and polite, he tells me what happened, it’s not really right

“the delivery team were overloaded with orders, 35 in all
ran out of legal hours before they could call
Should have texted you, sorry, rearrange for tomorrow
So Friday it is, let there be no more sorrow

It’s Friday, call 20 to 8, be with you in an hour –I can now relate, on a high!
everything will be OK now, won’t it, I hear you cry (aside)

Arrive hour later – van on other side of road
 large enough to deliver an elephant or massive load –
“this the one to go?”,they ask, and  move it through the door.
“Would you like it unpacked sir? “ “Yes please!”, my hopes now soar!
 Some discussion across the road, then return, without a load.
“Sorry sir, bit of a problem, he then began
we can’t find your fridge/freezer anywhere in the van!
Sorry, cannot take old one without new one to replace
 Return old one to hall. “You will get a text”, he says.

No text yet. Go to supermarket  get milk and more  tinned food
Nice chat to Kay outside, that’s certainly cheered my mood
return home around 10-25. Still no text. So Phone again.
Same procedure as before. 5 minute queue – a pain
 this time. Nice Theresa. She reports,  ( I beg you please don’t cry)    aside to audience
a rush team tried to deliver at 10-15, but got no reply!

Oh no, oh no oh hell and damn and blast!
apologies for language; I’ve lost my rag at last

If they’d sent a text I wouldn’t have gone out
Back ten minutes earlier, all would have been OK, no doubt.

Deep breaths, Theresa says I am a patient star

Reschedule. need full day in, so Saturday’s no go,
so Sunday it is, let’s try again. Hey ho!

In library Saturday, a beep on phone alerts that text is waiting,
I’m reading this, I really must relate verbatim!

“We’d love to know about your recent delivery experience. Texts are charged at standard network rate. Ignore to opt out. On a scale of 0 – 10, with 10 being extremely likely, how likely are you to recommend us to family/friends? Please reply with a number 0-10”

Sometimes, all you can do is take a time-out, or just silently pray
About the text, I really don’t know what to think or do or say

Anyway, Up early next day  Sunday, call 20 to 8
 be with you in half an hour, they now relate
this time,  new fridge/freezer installed by 8-15,
without a hitch, what a journey this has been!

Hooray, hooray, I’ve won at last, there’s nothing more to say
‘cept the frozen food, we’ll have a look, actually, it smells almost OK!

This sorry tale is at an end, how to summarise, and not offend?

Well ……..

If Jay should ever ask me what new favourite film I’ve chosen
I’m fairly confident right now, that it definitely won’t be “Frozen”!


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