Prenez garde à la porte ouverte

A very strange but true story.

 
Prenez garde à la porte ouverte

by Richard Ashen

I rarely open the French doors now, security is key

But it’s hot today, so let’s open right hand one and see

It’s Wimbledon time, first Friday, and humid too as well

Let’s let some air in, I’m wilting if the truth’s to tell

Now all seems fine, and after lunch, and several cups of tea

I’m settled in my favourite chair, facing open door, you see

As usual I doze off ( have excuse it’s hot today you know!)

I’m coming to, where am I? what day is it, oh no!

It’s about half past two, and in my dozy state

I hear a little rustle, what’s happening to relate?


Is this real, a little nose, then brown face with black eyes appears above door sill

It’ll be one of those cheeky squirrels, I’ll soon put him to flight, I will!

But no, I really do not believe this!

a cheeky rat climbs up from patio, and enters room, sees me, his eyes agleaming

Then walks slowly towards me, now only a metre away, am I dreaming?

WHAT! Rat’s are timid and suspicious aren’t they?

This one’s behaving as though he owns the place, not bothered by me at all

He is quite at home, and it’s me who’s all freaked out!

This isn’t right, I feel a need to shout!

I rush to close the door to hall, so he can go no further

He’s still advancing, I’m cornered, it’s getting even absurder!

I must confess, he’s very handsome, with sleek brown coat, slim and shiny tail

I’ll jump about, that will shock him, I will turn the tables, and prevail

Now he’s cornered, he runs and jumps, then turns, goes for my foot, and rushes under sideboard

I’m through the French door, through the kitchen, to the stairs upward

I grab a fleece, I’m shocked and shivering, calm down!

Now regroup, I need a weapon to expel this clown

With mop in hand, I cautiously approach the patio from the kitchen

Then see him, passing closed French door back to where he first came in

Where he calmly climbs down over sill the patio to regain

I rush back through the kitchen round to living room once more

I close and lock and bolt and chain that pesky right French door.

Back outside, the rat, of course, is nowhere to be seen, nor saught!

The incident is over, what to make of that, a closing thought

Wild or tame, I’ll never know, but one thing is for certain

I wasn’t watching “Neighbours” with a rat behind the curtain!


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