Was the Dough Really Kneaded?

Another amusing contribution from my late Uncle Frank, kindly supplied by my cousin Gillian.

WAS THE DOUGH REALLY KNEADED?

I have heard with consternation,
since confirmed by affirmation,
of a loaf that brought the purchaser some dough!

It started life as wholemeal bread
but proved to be holemeal instead.
For as the loaf was being sliced
a hole appeared; it wasn’t nice.
The slices, replete with holes and all,
looked like rings for a hoop-la stall.

The confrontation with the store,
who hadn’t seen such holes before,
brought echelons of management
with profuse apologies and amazement.
They promised an investigation large,
and provided a replacement loaf – “no charge”.
Complainant walked boldly through check-out,
clutching loaf, with chin stuck out.

End of story, oh dear no.
A letter came from the store’s H.O.
They were taking it up with the bakery,
to trace the cause of the mystery.
From the bakers, regrets galore.
Even they hadn’t seen holes like this before.
This sent the boffins knead deep in dough,
their in-depth studies seemed to show
excess edible oil going to and fro.

With their note of regret, as a mark of thanks
they send him a fiver to put in the bank.
Though richer in kind, a thought crossed his mind;
was the explanation not what it seemed?
Had he stumbled on a nefarious scheme?
Were the holey loaves indeed designed
for some specific job in mind?
Perhaps a novelty for a particular place
where they could capitalise on open space!
Imagine “a souvenir from Wookey Hole”,
Or possible “Cheddar Gorge”, upon my soul!

                       Frank L. Ashen 

These events involved one of my neighbours. I may have embellished it a little! Frank 

                         RETURN TO LIST OF POEMS   

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